In this week’s Bitch, Please broadcast, washed-up rapper Slim Thug came for Ciara and her wedded bliss with Russell Wilson.

Entirely fitting, of course, being that I came across this piece one day prior to hearing his fuckery.

“He’s just a corny dude, ain’t nothing wrong with it. I ain’t gonna say corny cause that’s hatin’ but he’s just like a square…I don’t believe a girl coming from a street dude could even adapt to that.”

First off, poor women marry for love. Yeah, I said it. In olden days of yore, white women attended college with the hopes of finding husbands. Do you think they were seeking out shiftless men who had no financial acumen, spent money because it impressed others and whose overall goal was to be without a pot to piss in and homeless? Let me help you…NOPE!

Sis, if you want to be married and financial stability isn’t on your “list” of wants in a man, rethink your life goals, rearrange your vision board and throw the whole notebook away. Then holla at a do-over. Further, only trash men who can’t meet a woman’s standards shit on that woman’s actual standards. Find your earplugs, cuz hit dogs gon’ continue to holler.

Second, if “corny” means the man in question is showering me with love, adoration and respect; cares for my (metaphorical) child from a previous relationship as if we created that child together; and doted on me for all the world to see, I’m taking my talents to the next muhfuckin’ installment of the Corny Olympics tryouts to hunt for a man who will gleefully engage me in someathat STAT.

Ciara is out here living her best life with her huzzzzzbaaand, visiting a hospital near you, rallying against cancer and kissing the babies afflicted with it, all while leveling up against your neighborhood fuckboy and his pre-pubescent antics and rhetoric riddled in misogynoir.

Slim Thug is a microcosm encapsulating a whole host of obstinate and undisciplined Black men who don’t want to be held accountable for their actions, especially when the conversation of how they treat Black women is broached.

Slim Thug is also a man who claimed to have undergone a vasectomy to avoid more child support payments. He has three baby mamas, so it’s safe to assume homeboy don’t even have McDonald’s money.

Was Ciara supposed to stay with Has-Been, I mean Future, when the alleged rumors of his cheating began swirling around the cyber stratosphere? Or better yet, was she supposed to continue on a trajectory of relationship malarkey and abandon one reckless, cheating “bad boy” for another?

I’m confused. Some of these men don’t seem to believe in love unless it’s “struggle love”. That’s dysfunctional as fuck and a tell-tale sign of some internal trauma within them that needs to be exorcised.

Slim Thug sounds like a disgruntled basketcase calling for all like-minded cohorts of the Bitter Black Men Brigade to chime in. Could it be that he’s in his feelings because his former flame and lady-love, LeToya Luckett, also upgraded from his raggedy ass, got married and is now expecting? Projection much?

Of course, this n—— already tried to walk it back like your president tried to walk back his gushing over Putin in Helsinki. Maybe he’s on one because our beloved Bajan beauty, Rih, rebuffed his lame advances when the fool tried to slide in her DMs.

Clearly, he was trying to come up because our favorite bad gal obviously has more commas in her bank account balance than he does. Or ever will.

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